first victory ever.

but it was a close fight. i've no idea how close the duo were behind me, but as i came into the home stretch, i did the same archer salute as what juan antonio flanga did when he won stage 11 of tdf 03.

a week back i almost wanted to quit riding all at once. what suppose to be a happy trip up to port dickson for respeda race turned out to be my worst race ever. right after the 12km neutralised zone ended, there was a big crash near a traffic junction, where a bugger hit the road divider and went sky borne, crashing a mass pile up, and me and marc got caught in it. so the race ended up as a solo ride for me riding with strangers for the next 2.5hours. marc had to hop onto the broom wagon as his rear dropout broke.

i was badly hurt. physical and mentally. i suffered road rashes on my shoulder and hip, a sprained right wrist, and a very bad swelling on right side of my skull. what scared me was that my helmet cracked, and it shows signs of a cut by a chainring! imagine that, a chainring went towards my head, and if i wasnt wearing my helmet it would have sliced right through my head, or one inch lower it would have cut my face. Oww.

the next few days after the race was bad. i was busy looking out for signs of headache, dizziness or nausea, all signs of head injury. perhaps i was just being paranoid, i was really worried that i wouldnt wake up the next morning when i go to bed every night.

i didnt ride much last week. less than 100km. perhaps an hours ride on the trainer and ride to the bikeshop to fix my wheels. even the ride to the bike shops scares me. i was never so afraid of vehicles when im on the road. perhaps i'm afraid of another accident. i asked myself why did i choose such a dangerous sport that could end my life with every ride.

but i love the trill of speed, the pain, the attacks, the breakaways...

i was also on the verge of pulling out myself from the tour of thailand later this month, but it will be giving up a real good chance to be in national colours and riding in a tour. the day after the race i called up max and told him about the crash. his first reaction is 'oh shit.' well, i guess he thought i could get a good placing. i wanted a good placing too, hoping it will help in my carding too. but it turned out otherwise.

i told him im going ahead with the tour, and will only be doing the juniors race for the expo race. it kinda suck when races are one after another, if you crashed in one you're screwed for both. nevertheless i signed up for the expo race and hoping for good results.

the race started off with a heavy pour, and i was gald that i brought along my rain jacket and arm warmers which kept me warm until my race started at 1100. it was kinda sucky and i had to wait for the open, sports, ladies, veterans race to finish before the juniors race. but what choice do i have?

the race was sucky. 15mins criterium, with intemediate sprint point at halfway mark, and 3 laps more to a final sprint. as usual, the juniors race was crowded with kids 14-16yo, with a few stronger riders like the duo from cx, andrew from anza, and yongquan from team mobile edge. the gun went and it was a mad rat chase with short burst here and there, all out to drop the weaker riders as the stronger riders get ready to claim sprint points. by the 3rd or 4th lap, it was down to the above mentioned and a couple of rodalink juniors whom i've no idea where they come from. one of the rodalink junior guy claimed the intemediate sprint first with 5 points, followed by a cx junior with 3 points, and me coming in 3rd with 2 points.

frankly, i was suffering in the race. my heart rate was sky high, and the pace was too great for me to take. the accelerations were too fast and too many attacks to counter, and i really suffered coz i wasnt properly warmed up. perhaps the junior riders have no race or ride ettiques at all.

piror to the race i actually spoked to the cx duo and we actually worked together during the race. the orange guy was always in the front swinging here and there. i wonder if he ever did a group ride before. he won the marina south race last month where i came in 3rd, i knew he wanted to win this race as well. he was always in the front working, swerve to the left hoping that others will come infront and work so he can take a break, but nobody wanted to do so. so he was swerving in and out making the race freaking unsafe and i shouted to the front and told him off. i told one of the cx guy to let him work all he wants.

i knew i wanted to win the race. i wouldnt want to let him win. i hate his attitude. i hate his face. as i was suffering in pain in the peloton, i was really worried that if i didnt get the top 3 placing, it will be a really bad hit on me. Everybody will boost how they actually beat a national rider. I could use my crash at respeda as a reason, but im racing with those younger than me!

approaching the final couple of laps, the pace went down by alot and everybody was crusing waiting for someone to make the attack and follow. nobody made a move until the final bend into the home stretch. i squeezed myself right to the front, behind one of the cx rider, getting really close to the kerb in the inside line. just as i was getting into the right gears for the sprint, there was a crash right smack in the middle. i was hoping that i wasnt caught in it. getting myself together, i shouted to the rest of the riders to keep together and launch an attack myself with 100m to go. i screamed out loud as i summon all the energy in my reserves into the final sprint.

i saw andrew and orange counting my attack on my left, so i accelerated and swing to the left so as to block them from ruining my sprint. what i saw was a total grey, the finishing line within reach with no one else infront for me to chase. with just 20m to go, i raised my hand off the bars and did the archer salute and threw my arms into the air as i enjoy my victory. but just as i crossed the line i saw andrew coming by my left fast. so did i get the win? or did he get me by the line just like erik zabel's race a few weeks back when he lost while doing the victory salute?

i was both shocked and worried as i rode the route back to the start point. but my team mates confirmed that i got the victory but it was really close. and apparently there was a uci ruling that hands must be on the handlebars before the finishline. so as the team admins and the race directors were discussing about it, i was really worried about getting disquailified. so it ended up as a warning for me, and there wouldnt be a next time.

it wasnt really my fault. it was a reflex. an image played in my mind ever since i saw juan antonio flanga doing the salute. i told myself if i ever win a race i'm gonna do it. so when i saw only myself and the finishline, subconsiously i did the salute. but it was a really close win, about 3/4 of a bike's length. i promise that i'll never do it again.

surprisingly i wasnt at all very excited nor very happy about my win. it all seems so unsignificant. i dont race to win. i race because i like racing. i like the pain, the speed, the trills, just as why i like riding.

i definately lost alot of my riding form and fitness during my recovery last week after the crash. i was struggling doing the thomson route on monday afternoon, but i was reassured during yesterday's rodalink when i worked in the front and managed attacks. i hope to attain my peak fitness just in time for the tour, which is just around 2 weeks to go.

riding aside, having missed some lectures due to other commitments, i realised that my school work is pretty lagged behind. and yesterday's oic test i've gotten only 62/100, and it really sucked. i all along have been getting good grades, i guess it's time to buck up. with the dateline of the oic/icbe combined project and ocom coming up, i could hardly breathe. hopefully i can get them settled once and for all and focus on the exams. and to study a little before i leave for thailand the week before study week, and to go all out for the exams. my folks will be unhappy if i screw up my grades because of riding.

life has been pretty boring and lonesome. sometimes i just yarn for someone to be with me right now. i saw her in the lib today, she still look the same, and i realise she still attracts me. oh well. i only took a peek at her through the windows of the study rooms. oh well, i don't see any chance of us together anymore in the future.

still am counting the days ever since the day you left.